Any search for guidance must lead inevitably, to the act of looking into a mirror at yourself. Feeling around for the peace of needing nothing more than being witnessed by the person you see reflected there. But I’ve been doing a lot of searching in books lately.

Books are so lovely and safe. Books don’t look back at you when you study them. Not obviously, anyway. I spent some time this week curating a list of books that will stretch me beyond my comfort zones. Just the act of pulling together this list felt expansive. No problem! My writing is sure to grow into its proper awesomeness with this kind of study.

Have you ever noticed that when you indicate to the Universe that you are ready for something it starts giving it to you? Very bloody quickly!

I was presented yesterday with the possibility of being introduced to a teacher of creative writing. I felt mildly terrified, but it was doable. My latest persona has decided she likes stretching past the limits of her comfort zones, after all. Slightly tense but willing to open up to this new opportunity, I then found out that said teacher is also a Doctor in his studies of creative writing. At this point the skin visibly burned right off my cheeks. I also think my eyelids are now stretched past their comfort zones. From the flow of laughter that filled my headphones, the person on the other end of the Skype call was amused as only a sister can be when watching her oldest sibling squirm.

Remember my post from last week about finishes? Take that article and lay it over the top of {me at high school}, then take it and lay it over the top of {me at university}, then {me at pretty much every job I’ve ever had}.

My mind judges me as uneducated. It makes not a whit of difference that after leaving a job I was a wizz at, working at a global engineering consultancy firm as the Senior Financial Controller of one of their largest multi disciplinary projects, the only person that could suitably take over my work was a very switched on engineer.

My years of writing procedure documents for information management, manuals and lesson plans for Reiki students, instructional guides for clients as I supported them in their deep self inquiry, and meditation (beautiful short stories!) mean bugger all. Most of that is all too woo-hoo and out there to take seriously. Isn’t it?

I sat in front of my computer blushing and laughing off my feelings of stupidity, which had manifested in a multi-layered fog. Maybe my eyes had popped open so wide in an effort to see through it.

I’m going to go and stand in front of the bathroom mirror for a while. I can’t promise how deeply I will look into the eyes reflected back at me. I can only say I am open to making the attempt.

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